I guess you think you know this story.
You don’t. The real one’s much more gory.
The phoney one, the one you know,
Was cooked up years and years ago,
And made to sound all soft and sappy
Just to keep the children happy.
Mind you, they got...
Why is Russia a very fast-moving country?
Because the people are always Russian! What is the most slippery country in the world?
Greece! What do Scotsmen eat?
Tart 'n' pie! What might you eat in Paris?
The trifle tower! What happenes when you...
Beautiful is peace! But war too, has its mission, the promoter as it is, of the destiny of man.
Schiller At the present stage of our moral development, perpetual peace is a mere dream.
Von Moltke Peace with imposition and tyrany, may profitably...
No animal is half so vile
As Crocky-Wock the crocodile.
On Saturdays he likes to crunch
Six juicy children for his lunch,
And he especially enjoys
Just three of each, three girls, three boys.
He smears the boys (to make them hot)
With mustard...
Why don't crocodiles like fast food?
Because they can't catch it! What do crocodiles call children?
Appetizers! What would a crocodile be called if it was a detective?
An investi-gator! What do you call a thieving aligator?
A crook-odile! What...
Life is a succession of lessons that must be lived to be understood.
Beecher We make life what it is by our attitude toward it.
Bernen All lifes are beautiful in which the sovereign thought has been for others.
Queen of Romania Are we not...
MATILDA
Who Told Lies and Was Burned to Death
(From Cautionary Tales For Children)
Matilda told such Dreadful Lies,
It made one Gasp and Stretched one’s Eyes;
Her Aunt, who, from her Earliest Youth,
Had kept a Strict Regard for Truth,
Attempted...
Why did the tomato blush?
Because it saw the salad dressing! Customer: Is there spaghetti in the menu today?
Waiter: No, I cleaned it off! Why couldn't the teddy bear eat his lunch?
Because he was stuffed! What do polar bears have for...
Love works a different way in different minds, the foolenlightens and the wise he blinds.
Dryden In love we become magnificent. A man can be so changed and enobled by love, as to be unrecognizable as the same person.
Terence The maiden imagines...
Please listen while I tell you now
About a most fantastic cow.
Miss Milky Daisy was her name,
And when, aged seven months, she came
To live with us, she did her best
To look the same as all the rest.
But Daisy, as we all could see
Had some...
Why six is afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine. Why did the teacher put the lights on?
Because the class was so dim! Teacher: What are you reading?
Pupil: I dunno!
Teacher: But you are reading aloud!
Pupil: Yeah, but I'm not listening! Who...